You can’t open an issue of Elle, Allure, or any other beauty magazine these days without reading on several pages that you’re a hopeless hag unless you use the T3 Bespoke Labs Featherweight Dryer to dry your hair. My hair’s shiny enough as it is with my Conair IonShine 1875, but I admit that all the hype began to get to me, so I got my fanny down to the nearest essentials to check out the T3, and I’m beginning to think that the beauty world’s having a collective hallucination, or conspiracy, or maybe everyone had a stroke at the same time. What do you get for your $200? Yeah, it’s lightweight at 13 ounces, but it outputs at 1800 watts … and that’s it. There’re two speeds (high and low), and a cool shot button, and that’s all she wrote. All it’ll do is burn your hair! My $25 hair dryer has high, medium, and low heat output as well as high and low speeds, and I don’t use the high heat, so I never have to smell that hair-is-frying smell. The other funny thing is that the buttons are placed right where your hand is, so you keep turning the thing off while you’re using it … just like with the $25 Conair! The only really good thing I can say about it is that it feels more sturdy than my Conair (but then everything feels more sturdy than Conair products; you don’t buy then for their sturdiness), and it’s waaaaay smaller and more compact than my Conair, which requires that my arms be about a foot longer in order to properly dry my hair because it’s hugungous. But otherwise, what is it with this thing? Do people simply enjoy the cachet of being able to say they spent $200 on their blow dryers (and then put them in their drawers so they won’t burn their hair into frizz with heat they can’t adjust)? What the heck am I missing? Granted, I didn’t USE the thing, but that’s because I value my hair. What’s in the KoolAid that’s making everyone insist that if you must own this blowdryer? $200

I own seemingly thousands of hair care products (it’s probably only dozens, but when I trip and knock them off the bathroom shelves and they all come cascading down, it feels like hundreds or thousands), some of which cost insane amounts of money, but when it gets right down to it, if I were forced to pick a handful of them to jam into a suitcase because I had to dash from the country because, well, I dunno, I was fleeing from the mob or something, I’d most likely grab a buncha Back to Basics products. They all smell good enough to drink, there’s a product to address every hair problem under the sun, the bottles, cans, and tubes are easily to grip and store, the colors are sunshiney and add brightness to my bathroom (not a huge selling point, I know, but I’m just saying), and the price point is right on. My favorite is the Green Tea Normalizing Shampoo and Conditioner for Healthy Hair (it smells nice and green, one of my favorite scent families). I also love the Apple and Ginseng Thickening Serum (it’s great for my fine hair), and the Green Tea and Witch Hazel Flexible Hold Hair Spray. Other flavors include Pomegranate (moisturizing), Citrus Sage (clarifying), Coconut Mango (for thick or coarse hair), and lots more. (Are you salivating yet?) And it barely makes a dent in your wallet! $8.79-20.19